Top 5 Movies of 2009

It is that time of the year. I know my blog has not been around this time last year, but every tradition needs to start sometime right. So, here go my top 5 movies of 2009.

1. Star Trek

Without a doubt, the best movie of 2009. What a re-imagining by Abrams. A stunner. Reminds people

why they love Star Trek in the first place. I can't wait for the sequel.

2.Up

The 5 minute love story bit alone makes this a classic, in 3D

3.Hurt Locker

Showed us what a war movie should be,and kept us on the edges of our seats.

4. Avatar

Even if the story was a bit of a let down, the technique makes it a game changer.

5.District 9

What an year for Science fiction. This sci-fi marvel is not just for geeks, but also packs some great social satire.

London to Constantinople-The Paris to Budapest leg

From Paris East or Paris Est., if you prefer, I took the overnight train to Munich. I found myself in a compartment with 5 girls, under the stern gaze of the old german coach attendant who is like a babushka from a Russian train. I got almost kicked out of the compartment, when I told the Oriental girls that I thought they are from China(they are from S.Korea and were amused), and the Polish girl that I thought she is from Germany(she was furious to be called a German). I apologised, saying I never met a Korean girl before, and that all Europeans looked the same to me. (is that racist?). Then it was my turn to be furious when the Polish girl said she saw Slumdog Millionaire. I mean what is it with people? I mean can you say I have seen Schindlers List when I meet Germans? Anyway, the german train was efficiently run and was a pleasure. On the French, German border the train stopped in a small station, for about half an hour, and with just two, three people on the platform, it reminded me of why I love train journeys. The solitude and companionship at the same time. The ability to jump off and on, to buy different food from different places, different countries, on different platforms. It is like having a peek into the lives of the people in that small place. We are like guests or intruders into their lives, depending on how you look at it.
Munich was as expected an efficient, no-nonsense German city. Just outside the station, I found a coffee shop around a corner, and sat there watching the locals go about. I particularly loved it when I saw the locals hurrying to their jobs, while I sat drinking my coffee, and eating my german sandwich.
Within no time, I caught the super fast Austrian train from Munich to Budapest. The train was overcrowded like an Indian train, and I was happy that I have a seat actually. Austria, was beautiful, and I had to literally stop myself from joking about Joseph Fritzl with the Austrians on board.Budapest, though was a shock. It was my first glimpse of a former communist Easter European country, and I was astonished by the desolation and squalor. After Munich, I just had some biscuits, and as I came out of Budapest station and walked into a local cafe, I found out to my astonishment that they don't use Euros. They use hungarian forints, and there were no money exchanges anywhere in sight. Behold the hunger of a man who doesn't have any forints. But, quite happily for me, after some searching, I found a KFC around the corner which accepted Visa. So I paid for my meal in thousands of forints, and realised that if I lived in hungary, my monthly food bill will be in the millions(of forints of course). The best part was there was Wi Fi in the restaurant which was not locked, and I logged right in.
The real train travel adventure started from Budapest.........

An area of Darkness

Two years ago, I was in university. I was in despair. My final project which should earn me the degree was not going well. I was in a mind numbing, spirit crushing job at McDonalds, and everything looked bleak from the McD kitchen.My routine involved working from five in the evening till one in the night, at a minimum wage. After that I would go home, which was an hour and half away by bus, with all its stops at traffic signals, at two in the morning. Then I would catch four hours sleep and head to the university. I was at the lowest point in my life. Literarily, there was no one who could satisfy me, and though I grew up from Dan Brown and John Grisham, to Salman Rushdie, my reading life was in shatters, and I had this childish fear that I would never find a book that awed me. Then one day in the university library, I found a book called "An area of Darkness". After reading the first chapter in the library itself, I called sick to work, and went home. I finished the book overnight. That night changed my life for ever. I discovered a great writer called V.S.Naipaul. I discovered India, and myself. That night changed the way I looked at the world. It was like some one replaced my eyes with a different pair.
After that A House for Mr.Biswas, A Bend in the river and the whole Naipaul collection followed.Now, having just finished his biography, I wanted to share some thoughts about India, and about Naipaul's view of India, and how it changed me.
Take this for example, from Naipaul's private letters, written before writing An area of darkness.
When I read these words, it is like Sir Naipaul is speaking to me directly.

"The point that one feels inescapable is the fact of India's poverty;and how deep is one's contempt for those Indians who, finding no difficulty in accepting one standard in India and another outside it, fail to realise this, and are failing to work day and night for the removal of this dreadful insult and humiliation...."

How true!! And to think that these words have been written in 1962 and are more or less are still true in 2009.
Much is made about Sir Naipaul's obsession with shit. Take this excerpt from the same letter.

"I wonder, wonder if the shitting habits of Indians are not the key to all their attitudes. I wonder if the country will not be spiritually and morally regenerated if people were only made to adopt the standards of other nations in this business of shitting;if only they could be made to see that they owe some responsiblity..."

Again, how true. I remember thinking from childhood, of how wrong the shitting business in India is. I amazed now at how much we Indians take shitting along railway tracks, and shitting on the side of roads for granted. How we Indians are never astonished by all these poor slum dwellers shitting wherever they can. I meet Indians every day who protest at the way it has been portrayed in The Slumdog Millionaire. But, how many of them can accept that the reality is much more worse than what is shown in the picture for atleast thirty percent of Indians.
A book written in '62 is much more powerful and much more informative about Indians than all the millions of books written about India and in India. Till then, I never read a book that spoke about things I know, about things I see everyday, and things I should be ashamed of in a language that I understand. It was not about victorian London, or about Ford County, but about Dharavi and about Kashmir. It was like Naipaul held up a mirror to India.
This as he was leaving the country,

"So goodbye to shit and sweepers; goodbye to people who tolerate everything; goodbye to all the refusal to act;goodbye to the absence of dignity; goodbye to the poverty; goodbye to caste and that curious pettiness which permeates that vast country; goodbye to people who, though consulting astrologers have no sense of their destiny as men"

You probably have to be an outsider, and a genius to see that if India has to change, the change has to come from within. It has to start with people. Indian children are taught, and most of the Indians genuinely believe that 'India is the greatest country in the world'. What a shame!! They will probably never realise that it is not, and it can never be precisely because of themselves. Who else but Sir Naipaul can see how low the country is from the garments that people wear.

"Probably it all has to change. Not only must caste go, but all those sloppy Indian garments; all those saris and lungis; all that squatting on the floor to eat, to write, to serve in a shop, to piss. Probably the physical act of standing upright(think of the sweeper prowling about like a dog below your cafe table) might regenerate the people."

Not a day goes by, when I don't think about this sentence. Kudos to the Master.

The Klingon Wikipedia

I can't stop laughing when I read this. Wired magazine has a lovely article about what it calls The Klingon Wikipedia- "the encyclopedia that huge nerds can edit". This is basically about an alternative wikipedia which explains things in simple English as opposed to regular English version.
The writer also imagines what it would be like if there were alternative versions like 'The Limerick Version". I particularly love the sarcastic version. So see for yourselves how it would be to have different versions of wikipedia.

The Regular English version
"Grasses, or more technically graminoids, are monocotyledonous, usually herbaceous plants with narrow leaves growing from the base. They include the 'true grasses,' of the Poaceae (or Gramineae) family, as well as the sedges (Cyperaceae) and the rushes (Juncaceae)."

The Simple English version
"Grass is a type of plant that covers the ground like a green rug. If it gets too cold or dry, it turns brown. There is a family of plants called the 'grass family.' The plants in the grass family are called grasses.

Sullenly Sarcastic Wikipedia
So I'm sure you've never actually seen grass, so you have no idea that it's a plant, right? Like, there's no way you could just look out the freaking window or go to the park or something and see grass. Hey, guess what plant family grasses belong to? The rhododendron family? The weasel family? It couldn't possibly be the grass family, now, could it?

Limerick Wikipedia
There's a family of plants they call grass.
Many grow in a green, leafy mass.
Other types include grain,
And, of course, sugar cane.
It's a breakfast plant none can surpass.

Excessively Neutral Point of View Wikipedia
Grass, according to many people who are scientists, or who are at least defined as scientists by what many people consider the scientific community, is a plant, although there are those who consider the distinction between plants and animals an artificial distinction and would classify them as "living things," or "objects," or "observable ideas." There appear to be up to five or more people, give or take up to four or more, who post to Plant Conspiracy, which most people would consider a message board, who claim to deny that grasses exist, and who say that what we call grass is actually a very unusually shaped species of terrier. Most people would agree that many people think that these people are what would normally be considered nuts.

Digression Wikipedia
Grass is a plant that you grow, or smoke, am I right? I had this roommate in college, he was such a stoner he took botany just to learn about grow lights. Anyhow, there are a bunch of types of grass, like sedges, which I always get mixed up with sledges. Hey, remember that TV show Sledge hammer? That was a killer show. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing!" Right? Heh. I wonder what that guy is doing now. IMDB says he was on Law & Order, but who hasn't been? Has Wil Wheaton been on Law & Order? He totally should be. He'd make an awesome murderer. Did you see the one with Martin Short?

Hand-Drawn Yard Sale Sign Wikipedia
GRASS'S are "IMPORTANT" PLANTS! Their are MANY "MANY" TYPES! INCLUDING RUSH'S & SEDGE'S! & TRUE GRASS'S!!!!!

Even More Simple English Wikipedia
Grass is green. Grass is plant. Grass is grass.

If you want to read the full Wired article you can here.

Paris 3

Any one who has used the Becks's tube map knows that, that would be
the best design and geographical train maps for a city are too
clustered and complicated to read. But the Metro guys in Paris can not
be bothered. The fact that the lines are numbered from 1 to 14 as
opposed to names like in London makes it all the more confusing. And,
if some of the lines are shades of very similar looking blue, that
would be called metro hell. I went through that hell and survived.
So the second day to Louvre or as they call it 'Musee du
Louvre'. Louvre makes the magnificient British museum look like a walk
in the park. It is ENORMOUS. If one wanted to go around the museum
looking at every object he would grow old by the time he is finished.
Frankly, I did not feel like I went for a walk in a museum, but for
working out. Monalisa was a delight, though could not get a proper
look at her thanks to all the Chinese taking her pictures. What I have
noticed in this tour is that what is important for the people is that
they want to show their friends or family what a great time they had.
It is not about having a great time. It is not about going onto Eiffel
tower and feeling like on top of the world, or enjoying the beauty of
Monalisa, but about showing your friends how much you enjoyed it. I
bet half the tourists I have seen on this trip have seen the places
around them only through a view finder.
There are some magnificient Napoleon's apartments in the
Louvre. They, more than anything can be show pieces for why there was
a French revolution.
After a tiring 5 hours, I got sick of museums, and after my
third break, I vowed that I will never set foot in another museum in
my life and stepped out onto the left bank.
After a beautiful stroll along the left bank, on a beautiful
sunny day, listening to Ricky Gervais podcast and laughing my heart
out, I called it a day with some lovely French food.

I Twitter

Right, I am on Twitter. So from now on you can see my random thoughts
on Twitter, or even on my blog in the form of tweets. I think, this is
so much better than blogging, as you can get simple thoughts across
without posting lengthy blog posts. For example "Asda is selling lost
symbol for £5! Mental!!"
So enjoy my blogs and tweets from now on

Paris 2

You are Niel Armstrong, and for days and months you planned your
trip to the moon. But once there all you can think of is the jam
doughnut you had before you left the earth. That is how I felt on the
Tour de Eiffel, or for the novice Eiffel tower. So, my first proper
day in Paris. Obviously I started looking for the Eiffel tower. So I
stepped into a supermarket, bought a French version of an innocent
smoothie ( which tasted like donkey's piss, not that I tasted it), and
asked a Chinese girl behind the counter which Metro station to get off
for the tower. The best part is, she didn't know. So she asked a fellow
check out girl in Chinese. She didn't know. Then she asked a security
guy who didn't know. Then I was like " alright don't bother, don't you
worry. I will find it somehow".
So, I managed to find the Trocadero station, from which I could
see the Eiffel tower. Lovely! And huge! So went up to it through the
Trocadero dodging people trying to sell me miniature towers in all
sizes and materials. The ticket counters were busy as one can expect.
They were selling tickets for the Tour de Eiffel which to be frank I
thought was a tour of the Eiffel. Can someone please tell the French
that a tower is 'tower', not tour. 3 queues and 4 hours later I was on
top of the tower amidst kissing couples. That is when I realised that
you usually go onto the tower with someone you love very much and you
kiss them. So!! I tried kissing myself. Obviously not very successful,
I started to get down onto the solid ground. But all the time when I
was up on the tower, I had only one thought. I have just seen the
movie 'G.I.Joe-Rise of the Cobra' before I went to Paris. In the movie
terrorists blow up the tower which falls across the river Seine. I
kept thinking, if it happens now, where exactly will I land, and will
I be able to get off the tower without using the steps. I also had a
strange longing to throw my phone from the top, and see how it lands
on the street below. The only thing that stopped me was the
realisation that life is not a film, and there won't be a camera
sweeping down along with the phone to see how it lands. So, I promised
myself that if I ever made a film, I will have my CGI team work on
that scene. Of a phone dropping from the Eiffel tower.Mental!
Then to a self-designed tour ( an English tour) of the Paris
Metro and the shopping district and back to the hotel for a long
nights sleep.

District 9-Aliens in town

What would happen if Aliens came to Earth in our lifetime instead of say 2309. District 9 tries to answer that question and it does a damn good job of it. Though it could also be a wonderful satire on aparthied, it is also a wonderful sci-fi movie and raises some very interesting questions.
The film starts 20 years after an alien ship comes to Johannesburg, of all places. In these 20 years the aliens became part of a big slum outside the city thriving with crime. The film takes us from there to questions about what would happen if the aliens are to come and live with us, not in a technologically advanced 100 years time, but now.
A must see for any sci-fi lover. Don't miss it.

Paris-1

The high-speed Thalys from Amsterdam to Paris was, well not very high speed and reached Paris 35 minutes late. I read somewhere that "late" for Japanese is 1 minute. For British it is 10 minutes and though I did not know it then, for French it is 30 minutes. So we were very late by Japanese standards, though on good time by Indian standards. Just an anecdote here. My biggest influence for this whole trip is Paul Theroux's 'The Railway Bazaar', and I took it along for a second reading. In it he describes a transfer of 700 passengers from a train to a ferry in Japan which takes about 15 minutes. He compares it with a similar operation in India which took about 8 hours. I am not saying this to make fun of Indians, but to say that Japanese are little robots with little printed circuits in their tiny heads.
My hotel was near the Charles de Gaulle airport. Getting there from Paris Nord was a joyous 1.5 hr ride. I had to take what in Paris is called RER A, which to be honest guys, with all due respect, looked like a train out of Somalia. The train was dirty, with graffiti all over, was full of dodgy looking people of one color, dressed like they were in Africa not in continental Europe, and the biggest shock for me, there were so many beggars on that train. The only outsiders apart from me were a couple of American guys who looked like they were mercenaries from a Rambo movie. Weirdly enough, they asked ME which station we are at, when we stopped somewhere.
After I finally managed to get to my hotel, I got my first taste of what a budget hotel is. Seriously, the toilet was a totally plastic piece. That is, it was a big chunk of plastic in which a toilet, a shower and a sink are moulded out. I just fit in it to take a shower. And for the first time in my life I was happy that I am not anymore fatter than I am. Tommorow I will post a pic of an escalator in Paris, and you will understand why I came up with the slogan "Paris-not for fat people".

Day 1 and 2-Amsterdam

I have seen places with lots of sex, and places with lots of drugs, but never anyplace with such a mixture of too much sex and too many drugs.
Firstly though, I got down at Hook of Holland, which is one of those remote looking ports, with a railway station that has one platform. So I caught this train to Rotterdam from which I caught a train to Amsterdam central. I have to tell you, I loved the trains in Holland. The train that took me into Amsterdam was a double decker train which is a first for me, and it was cool. And Amsterdam was lovely or dirty depending on which parts you are talking about.
I managed to find my pre-booked hotel with the help of my iPhone. Oh! What would I do without my lovely phone. Hotels in Amsterdam are very expensive due to all the British guys thronging it's streets in search of hedonistic pleasures. So all I could get on my meager budget was a bed in an 8 bed room share. This again was a first for me. It was very weird for me to share a room with a mom with her son and daughter, a Chinese looking American girl and the rest were Swedish guys. It did not help that there were around 120 empty beer cans under their beds, there were hundreds of FHMs on their beds, and they were shouting "we love Sweden"( even the girl, weirdly). So I dropped my bag, and headed into the craziest evening in my life. Amsterdam has a good tram system and I got a 24 hour smart card.
Right, if you are in Amsterdam, and it is your first evening there, where would you go? Yes, I went to check out the world famous red-light district, though it was a bit embarrasing to ask people for directions to the red-light district, particularly when you are alone and are an Indian. But, I managed, and wow!! What do I find, scantily dressed girls standing in windows, and the streets full with people. With Chinese and European tourists with their families, and British guys drinking in the pubs. One red-light district that is.
I had a horrible meal in a KFC, and went back to the room, which was quite happily empty. So went to bed.
The next morning took a boat trip across Amsterdam's wonderful canals, went to the Flower Market, and did the usual tourist trail. If I tell you, I got bored by 3 in the afternoon, you can imagine how little the city has to offer. So had a meal in a cafè full of people smoking weed, and headed to the station to catch the high speed Thalys to Paris.

P.S- I know I said I will post everyday. But, you know how lazy I am. So the story will come out slowly. And, I promise an incredible story. I am back in London by the way.

On the boat to Hook of Holland-2

>
>
>
> This is the moment, I was truly out of reach of Great Britain. Out
> on the sea, floating in a big ferry toward the continent. The ferry
> was bobbing up and down in the massive seemingly endless sea like a
> small raft. As I sat at one of the windows, beside a bunch of
> elderly English people happy with their pints of lager, I was more
> happier. I already managed to get some gasps from people with my
> lovely plan. For example, the customs guy, got an unexpected answer
> for his question about where I was going. I said Istanbul, by land.
> He looked me up and down," that's a long way mate, to go by land". "
> yeah, I know, I am a bit mental" " well, go on then suit yourself"
> Now, after 8 hours on the ferry, I am walking like Johnny Depp with
> the swagger of a pirate. After I had my lunch of some lovely English
> cod and chips, I slowly drifted to sleep, and started dreaming that
> I was the guy from "Life of Pi" floating in the pacific with only a
> tiger for company. When I woke up, I was a bit disappointed that I
> am not the Indian ocean, so I could be hijacked by some skinny
> Somali's.

On the boat to Hook of Holland

On the trail of the Orient express

Two years ago, as I still remember it, on a hot summer afternoon, I was browsing at the second hand book market under the Waterloo bridge, when I picked up The Great Railway Bazaar by Paul Theroux. I have put it down after two days, and decided that one day I would follow him, atleast till Istanbul or as I like to call it Constantinople. Agatha Christie, Graham Greene, Paul Theroux, and so many others did this trail from London to Istanbul by train, overland. Finally, after two years later, and after a lot of planning I am starting my trip the day after tommorow.
The original Oriental express, as it was called does not run anymore and the Orient express that replaces it is a luxury train, which I for one can't afford to take, and for two, is like travelling to Istanbul shut out from the rest of the world. So I had to make my own plans. It was not easy, checking the timetables, booking different trains, and being an Indian, getting visas to travel through Europe and visas to get into Turkey.But now, everything is set and ready to go. I will be blogging everyday during the trip from my phone, subject to availability of wifi.
My planned itinerary is
London Liverpool street - Amsterdam Centraal-by train and ferry
Amsterdam Centraal-Paris Nord-by high speed train Thalys
Paris Nord to Munich -by City Night line train
Munich to Budapest-by Rail Jet train
Budapest to Bucharest -by ordinary sleeping car train
Bucharest to Istanbul-by ordinary sleeping car train
I start in London liverpool street station on the 13th August at 6:25am, and will reach Istanbul on the 19th at 8:20am, with stopovers in Amsterdam and Paris.

When I went to Hay on Wye, Part-2

Time makes every memory more romantic, more pleasurable or more horrible than we felt actually at the moment. So it is with my trip to Wales. In my mind as I write this, the hills of Wales are more greener, the breeze from acres and acres of flowers is more scented, and the 45 minute ride from Hereford to Hay on Wye, one of the best rides of my life. As I recall that day, I don't seem to remember the meter in the taxi running faster than a rumour on the Internet. I don't seem to remember my anxiety as the taxi bill went from 10's into 20's into 30's, eventually settling in the 40's. I only seem to remember the lush greenery, the beautiful houses among the hills, and the most beautiful streams. I only seem to remember the Chinese family in the back of the taxi, whose English was the most basic, manners were impeccable and the love of books enough to bring them from China to a small village in Wales.
The moment the taxi stopped in the village, I could not feel being aprehended. I have never been in a village in England before, let alone Wales. As the Chinese family thanked me and went their way, I went searching for true salvation. And I got it. I found the book lovers paradise. Books. Books, everywhere. Row upon rows of books. Books in hallways, on steps, on the floor, in basements, in attics. Paperbacks, hardbacks, antiques, rarest of the rare. Literature, fiction, philosophy, medicine, gardening, crime, business, you ask for it, and they got it. Shop upon shop, lane by lane. Shops dedicated to books on murder, shops dedicated to books on music, the ones dedicated to books on cinema. Books for old, young, for born, unborn. Thousands of orange penguins on a big shelf.
A Vatican, a Mecca for people who want to read. For people who worship books. For those after knowledge. For those who can sit under a tree and while away the rest of their lives, just reading books. If books were gods, the shops were monuments or temples to them, with the sellers as high priests.
To be continued.........

One Giant Leap for mankind-A Backward leap that is

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past one month, you would have heard by now that today is the the 40th anniversary of the first moon landing by a human. NASA is celebrating it on a huge scale, and the media is trying to make all of us a part of it, which is actually great since it tells the newer generations a lot about how difficult it is actually to get into space and onto moon, how many sacrifices that man had to make to take that small step. And it also tells us that going into space is not actually as easy as what we see in say Star Trek, and we are a very very long way from making space travel that easier and accessible to everyone.
There are many reasons, why I call this has been a backward leap---

• That sense of accomplishment on that day, when Armstrong set foot on moon has been a very bad obstacle for future space exploration. American leaders did not have the vision to see it as an achievement for mankind, but rather as an upper hand in the duel with the Soviets. So after they proved to be superior by landing a man on moon, instead of taking the next logical step, which would be taking man to Mars, or any other planet, they cut back the funds to NASA, and let it be satisfied with peanut funded programs like International Space station. After all, moon is just a satellite of the planet called earth, and for mankind to survive for eternity, we have to find new planets, not moons that we can colonise. Atleast, until we find life on some extra-galatical planets, which are more advanced than us, and whose inhabitants will eventually make us their slaves. This year, instead of celebrating the 40th year and being happy with that, we(Atleast the Americans) have to start thinking about landing on Mars, and going further. Though given, the recession, and other problems, it could be very difficult to start such ambitious projects this or the next year.

• But what irks me really, among all this is what they did during the Apollo 8-which is the first mission that went out of earth orbit and orbited the moon, giving us this first picture of 'Earthrise'. I will quote from NASA's site about what they did "For the next 20 hours, the astronauts circled the Moon, which appeared out their windows as a gray, battered wasteland. They took photographs, scouted future landing sites, and on Christmas Eve read from the Book of Genesis to TV viewers back on Earth"---It was a bit of a shock even after 40 years, instead of realizing that we live on a small planet on this cosmic void, and we are alone, and there is no one to look after us but ourselves, all they could think of was to read from the Book of Genesis. Very recently Indians did something similar, when they launched their own Moon mission. They took the probe, they were about to launch around the country to all major temples, and mosques and churches, to get blessings for the probe. That Gods did not look after the probe and the probe got lost is another matter. I mean, the naivety or gullibility of man astonishes me and saddens me immensely.

Moon

Tomorrow, that is the 20th, is the 40th anniversary of
the first moon landing, when man first set his foot on moon.
On this occasion it is obviously not by coincidence that I am writing
about a movie called Moon. I have seen it yesterday and am bowled over
by it. The movie is set in the future when mankind has solved it's
energy crisis by mining HE2, that is Helium 2, from the surface of
moon. At the beginning, it looks like the company responsible for the
mining is penny pinching by having a single astronaut there, who is on
a 3 year contract. When the astronaut is recording messages to be sent
to his wife and daughther back home, instead of having a live
conversation, the reason given is that it is because of a solar storm,
it sounds reasonable enough. The astronaut starts imagining a woman in
the base, and just when it starts looking like a psychological
thriller, a terrible accident happens and secrets start tumbling out ,
quite literally. From here, a the audience is bevildered until the
truth sinks in, and u walk out feeling that you have just seen a great
sci- fi movie. I am spell bound, and I still don't know what to say. I
love sci-fi, usually becuase of the great effects, but this film is an
exception. It has no effects to talk about, but a great story. And my
advice is don't miss it.

7/7

Four years ago today, religion showed it's ugly face yet again. People from London to Baghdad are still feeling the tremors of that terrible day. Politicians like George Bush and Tony Blair have used that day to further their interests. What is more saddening and what has helped the extreme White supremacist right enormously is the fact that the people who blew up the trains were born in this country. They and their parents enjoyed the welcome and the good life this country has provided them, and yet they found it O.K to kill other people in the name of some distant causes, and in the name of brotherhood.
On this eve, a video called 'Ripple effect' is making the rounds on the Internet. What it basically says is this- 7/7 was mass murder arranged by the British government along with the Mosad to further the destruction of Muslim faith. A BBC documentary reveals that one in three British Muslims beleive the video and beleive that the British government killed it's own people. It further reveals the maker of the video to be an Irish man called John Hill who believes that- 'he is Jesus Christ'. copies of this video are being distributed in mosques and all those Muslims in the mosques are beleiving the wild base-less allegations made by an old lunatic who beleives he is the Messaih.
While the BBC documentary goes on to disprove every allegation in that video, I totally agree with the video because-
1. I beleive that everybody in the world should follow the rules set by a guy called Muhammad in a desert thousands of years ago.
2. I beleive that Taliban is a modern force and is the way forward for everyone in the future.
3. I beleive that Sharia law should be implemented in every country in which the punishments include flaggings for small offences, cutting off hands and other unmentionable parts for bigger offences. Best of all non-beleivers should be tied up to lamp posts and should be stoned to death. Take that Dawkins.
4. I beleive that women are below cattle in the social order and should be covered in Hijabs, so that my 'muslim brothers' can't look at them with their hungry eyes.
5. I beleive that after making the whole world Islamic we should try and make the whole galaxy Islamic.
6. I beleive in blowing up myself so that I can go to paradise and spend time with the seven virgins- though I have doubts about how they will still be virgins after so many of my 'brothers' blew themselves up before me.

God/ No God

Right, Charlie Brooker is my all time favourite columnist, because he is majorly mental- like me and loads of others in this mental world. I just like the sound of 'Mental', so I will keep saying mental as many times as I want. If you don't like it, well f*** o****. I won't actually swear on this blog anymore, as my mom is reading this blog- to see how mental I can get before she has to admit me in a mental hospital. My dad is also reading this, but it is alright as he has his own blog on which he calls many companies and other bloggers mental, and stops short of calling them c*****. Mental c****, that is.
Anyway, this week, when he had to write an article, to fill a page in Monday Guardian, Charlie Brooker has this brilliant piece about there being a God. If you have read this far,you are probably as mental as I am, so go ahead and enjoy it.

"God/no God? No God. We're all freelancers. Some of us may choose to sit in imaginary offices from time to time, pretending to receive memos from our made-up boss, or enjoying watercooler conversations about the loving/vengeful/forgiving nature of our fictional chief with our colleagues, but no matter how many hours we clock up, it doesn't alter the fact that no one's actually running things on the top floor. This is good news. We own the company!"
If you want to read the whole article click here

Don't give generously

I lived in London for four years now. Considering the number of people on the streets who are trying to make you give to charities it is very surprising that not one of them approached me ever asking me to give to charities.
I can think of a number of reasons actually-
1. Let us start with the most basic. They were so busy with others that no one ever had time to approach me
2. They looked at my great appearance and fathomed instantly that I should be the receipient of a charity(something like an Indians in London fund) not a giver.
3. They have a futuristic device in their hands which instantly scans my face and tells them that I myself am a slave in a multinational, and so shouldn't be approached.
4. The first thing they are taught in their training is to never approach a brownie. Particularly, one that looks like he could be from south Asia because the first thing he/she would do is to convert the amount( even as small as a pound a month) into his/her(see you can't call me sexist) currency and say there is no way he/she is giving away that much. And the clues to find out if one is actually from south Asia is by the face, by the hair cut, by a horrible dress sense, by the accent, by the walk, and etcetra... Mind you I am not saying these things, I am merely suggesting that these are taught to the charity collectors.
5. Or they know instinctively that I will say "Do I look like I give to charities?"
6. Or they know instinctively that I will say
"I heard you get £10 per hour, and you talk like you are doing social service. Why don't YOU work for free for charity and then approach me?"

Could be any of these reasons, but the bottom line is I was never approached.

P.S some of my Indian friends who were approached were so startled that they were even approached, they gave instantly and generously. This should be the new tactic for the charity collection agencies.

Bernie Mad(e)off

They say you can't cheat an honest man. They also say you can't cheat all the people all the time. 30 odd years ago Bernard Madoff, a jewish boy from Queen's, Newyork set out to prove those two statements wrong. He succeded with the first one by swindling millions of honest (and some not that honest) people out of $60bn. Yes sixty f****ing billion dollars.
But he couldn't prove the second one wrong and today was sentenced to 150 years in jail.
Guys, this wasn't the first Ponzi scheme, and he won't be the last cheat. And there is no financial deal, which is too good to be true.
And, after this credit crunch if you still believe in safe investements and good financial institutions, you are bound to wound up like one of Bernie's clients. Just to give you an idea, one guy lost millions to Bernie and is now working in a supermarket as a check out clerk in Florida.
As I figured it out, the best way to make sure you don't lose money is by digging a hole in your back garden and burying it there. But make sure to put a stone on top of it, just so you won't forget where you buried it.
As per Bernie, I like millions of others am hoping that he will land in a prison cell with bunches of gay rapists.

Digital 'Revolution'

This year marks the 10th anniversary of the massacre at Tienanmen square. If from ten years from now, 2009 were to be remembered it would probably be remembered for the protests in Iran. The supreme leader of Iran has today called for the rioters(his evil name for the protesters) to be hanged. Easier said than done. What he has to realise is that when you are asking for half the population of a country to be hanged you will often find yourself hanging from a lamp post. What is more important is that this revolution is being led by a unique tool in the history of revolutions. Twitter. Yes Twitter is the fast,free and uncontrollable force that people around the world are using this tool to bring about change.As iphones, and other mobile devices grow in numbers, and mobile internet connectivity unites the people on the street, twitter is the future weapon, which is going to make governments shake in their seats.

Mad as hell

Don't you feel like this some times? I certainly do.
I feel mad as hell that what was true of the world in 1976, is still the same and true in 2009.
I certainly feel mad as hell when I read in Telegraph that some minister has bought a Plasma TV worth £2500 and claimed it on expenses. That is my tax money dammit!
I feel mad as hell when I see all these big CEO's go home with pay checks, while people lose their jobs because of the games that the big corporations and banks played.
I feel mad as hell when governments seem to be run by people who have no idea of human suffering and I feel mad as hell at their incompetence.
I feel mad as hell that we still have so many superstitions and religions and killings.
I certainly get mad as hell when I realise that I am not in 2387, and I have to cope with all the limitations of 2009.

World Naked Bike Ride-Fancy that

Have any of you heard of World Naked Bike Ride Group. I have'nt. It came as a surprise to read in Guardian that they are planning-the clue is in the name- naked bike rides across UK towns and worldover. And apparently, the biggest one of them would be in London,with about a thousand londoners taking to their bikes after taking off their clothes.

The group has a website, which answers the question "Why are you cycling naked?"

It is apparently to "celebrate cycling and the human body. The ride demonstrates the vulnerability of cyclists on the road and is a protest against oil dependency".Good reason to go for a bum ride.

If you want to get further information and would like to participate in the naked bike ride, you can get more information and some useful tips on whether riding naked is uncomfortable, whether it is un-hygeinic, and also if you are not "conventionally attractive", you can go to the website here.

Caution: Do not open the website in crowded offices or public places.


If you really want to go it is tommorow 3pm starting in Hyde Park guys

Tube strike in London well under way

Tube strike in London is well under way. Nothing is moving. You can
see people moving around like clueless zombies, asking directions and
running for buses.
This is how the latest travel update from London looks like this
morning.

God Trump cards

I am re-producing the God trump cards from the New Humanist Magazine for your amusement. Enjoy them.







Is something missing, YES the biggest trump of all





For part 2 of the God Trumps click here.

Terminator Salvation-a review

To take a James Cameron story, or for that matter any popular franchise and to re- boot it, you need something more than, an actor and a script. It needs creativity, and guts. Like the ones that J.J.Abrams showed with Star Trek. If Abram's future is something that I would like to live in myself, I will give McG's future in Terminator salvation a miss. Agreed, it is not 2300's yet. McG and Christian Bale have to contend with a very close 2018. On that note, we are already in 2009. The idea of machines taking over the world in 9 years is as far fetched an idea as that Gordon Brown being re-elected as prime minister of Britian.
John Connor is trying to save Kyle Reese, in a post apocolaptic world in which the machines have destroyed the world on the Judgement Day that we know so well about from the earlier Cameron Terminators. The world is a bad ,bad place and looks as rustic as an old abandoned factory. I have no idea what McGs budget is, but in parts it looks like a cheap video game being played on a cheap games console.
And, Christian Bale. Man, what is wrong with him. Why does he have to talk in the same droll as in The Dark Knight. His now infamous rant against a sound technician for not letting him concentrate makes one wonder, what the hell was he concentrating on? And why is he in such a bad mood throughout the movie. Is it supposed to be acting to show how the Judgement day changed him? Or is it just that he had a bad day after a bad day throughout the shoot?
He has less charisma and star power in this movie than one of the chipmunks from Alvin and Chipmunks.
Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese and Sam Worthington as a terminator Marcus Wright give better performances than Christian Bale who is supposed to carry the movie on his shoulders. As per the thrills in the movie, the only thrilling moment comes in the first chase when Marcus Wright is being chased by terminators. But even then, if all people want to see is big machines fighting with people, they are better advised to wait a week and see the big machines fight each other and the humans in Transformers(Not that I am a fan of that either). In the final scene of the movie, John Connor is given a second chance by a heart transplant in an army base camp. The only reason that I can think of John Connor, getting a second lease is because he is Christian Bale, or else my choice would be frankly Marcus Wright, even if he is half machine. If John Connor wants to lead the resistance and win over machines in future instalments, while not losing audiences, Bale and McG should take a crash course from Chris Pine and Abrams.

Weather forecast for..........2080

Some weather experts have come up with predictions for how the weather would be in the year 2080. They say England will see Mediteranean like weather conditions, with temperatures in London rising to- hold your breath, 41c.
Imagine being on an underground train, if they still don't master air conditioning the underground in 2080.
What they did not do was predict the weather for places like Africa. Will it reach an inhospitable 60-70, or will Africa become a cold continent with African governments buying snow ploughs.

When I went to Hay on Wye

What a better setting for a "town of books", or as some would call it the "book capital of the world". Lying on the river Wye, on the English,Welsh border, Hay on Wye is a paradise on earth for a book lover.

When I caught the train from London Paddington to Bristol Temple Meads, I was still half asleep at 7 on a saturday morning. For someone who is always excited by travel and new places, what a name to go to. Bristol Temple Meads! Pulling out of Paddington, I was amazed at how similar mega cities look when you are looking at them from a train,be Chennai or Delhi or London. The same concrete structures, the same flyovers, graffiti. The two guys sitting behind me started talking in an unusally loud voice. Then their conversation turned to Star Trek, and one guy said the new Star Trek is not a good re-boot. I wanted to turn back and tell them to shut up. My timidity got the better hold of me, and I turned up the sound on my earphones only to get into a nice slumber. When I woke up, the train was passing through a very beautiful English countryside, which made me miss travel in an Indian train, where you could open the door and sit on the door ledge taking in the cool air as the train hurries towards wherever it is going. I also missed the noises that Indian trains make. Long train journeys in England, I find very boring, sort of like sitting in a comfortable room. No hawkers trying to sell me bread omlette and fresh fruit, no beggars singing film songs, no sounds that trains make when they are changing tracks or crossing a river, not even the gentle sway of an Indian train. Even when British trains approach London, they just arrive. There is no drama like in an Indian train say when it approaches Chennai, or Mumbai, when the train slows down, waits for a signal, and all kinds of local hawkers are running on the tracks beside you, trying to get on the train and the passengers changing from their nightwear or travel wear into more formal clothes for the arrival.
From Bristol I was to catch a train to Newport Gwent, but the train was delayed. On the platform on which the train was to arrive, stood an Asian guy with a bag, and a a pretty Chinese girl with a huge camera. Chinese and their cameras. Like London tube trains the departures board kept changing the arrival time of the train from 10 to 12 to 15 and so on. So I went down into the station concourse, and again felt sorry, as all train station concourses look the same to me in England. The same Burger Kings, Upper Crusts and AMT coffees. Just as I came back onto the platform with my Coconut Hot Chocolate, the train has just arrived, and I boarded it. I went to my reserved seat, and what do I find beside me? The pretty chinese girl. From the expression on her face, I could glean that she thought I was sitting there because I wanted to sit beside her. If you are reading this, that is my reserved seat love! Oh girls! And then she proceeded to take like some 2000 pictures out of the train window in the half an hour it took to reach Newport Gwent.
Newport Gwent was a pleasure. It is the first Welsh station I ever went to. It is very small, and they were making announcements in both English and Welsh.
More to come....

Brown's cabinet 'reshuffle'-Sir Alan in

The evening papers and the channels are full of news of Brown's cabinet reshuffle. Let us be honest guys, it is not a reshuffle is it! Eight cabinet ministers resigned, and eight more Labor losers who want to be called 'Minister' before Labor goes into political wilderness are stepping in their shoes. The surprise is not that eight people jumped off the ship, the surprise is that Brown is not.
On another note, Sir Alan Sugar will become an 'Enterprise tsar' and will be in the cabinet. I can only imagine the cabinet meetings. "Brown,Darling, Miliband none of you delivered. This is a bloody shambles. But this time Gordon you are fired"(Sir Alan's search for something to do continues).
By the time Brown eventually goes, he having a bad day(someone resigning, losing some election, Cameron making fun of him, or pretty much everything) will be so common that it won't be front page news anymore and will be printed in the papers after the dog races, if there is space that is.
Check this out from the Comment Is Free blog.

The Android Apprentice

Now that Debra has been fired on the Apprentice I can reveal that Debra is a model T-100 model android from the future. Here is to hoping that she will eventually go on to win The Android Apprentice in year 2050. Surely, even the latest androids in that year will wither before the acid tongue of Debra the devil android.
P.S My only regret is, I was half expecting Sirallun to peel her skin off and show us the inner circuitry, and it never came.

Sinking Boat

As ministers start resigning from Brown's cabinet one after the other, it brings to mind one quote from Malcolm Tucker-"Look, people really like it when you go just a bit early! You know, steely jawed, faraway look in your eyes! Before they get to the point when they sitting round in pubs and say "Oh, that fucker's got to go!", you surprise them! "Blimey, he's gone! I didn't expect that! Resigned! You don't see THAT much anymore! Old school! Respect! I rather liked the guy! He was hounded out by the fucking press!" How about that, ah? What a way to go! Yeah!"
For those of you who don't know Malcolm Tucker, here is a taster.